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Burglars need to exercise more / Merry Xmas from Cardio Trek

I heard an intruder up on the roof last night so I took a bow and arrow and shot the bastard. His body fell off the roof and was eaten by a crazy herd of man-eating reindeer. Looks like he was trying to steal all our Christmas gifts. Don't worry, we got his bag of loot. All is good.

Serves him right for sneaking around on people's rooftops on the night Jesus was born. Burglars need to exercise more these days. They're getting too fat and jolly. The burglar had the nerve to call me a ho. I am guessing his day job was pimping. He was certainly dressed like one.

If he wanted to be a cat burglar he really needs to get into shape. You can't be running around on rooftops like that and not expect some physical challenges. When I spotted him he appeared to have his foot stuck inside the old chimney that has been plugged up for decades. Not too bright. How he thought he could fit down that I will never know.

When he realized I caught him he started calling me a ho again and again and reaches for something under his jacket. I figured he was reaching for a gun so I shot him first. The impact knocked him off balance, he fell off the roof and the crazy reindeer then ate his corpse.

I grabbed the bag of loot he stole from us and went back inside to call the cops. But as I was about to dial I realized that they would never believe this farfetched story of a burglar dressed in red on rooftops. There wasn't even evidence he was ever there. So since the reindeer had already disposed of the body I shrugged and went back to bed.

The nerve of the guy. Doesn't he know last night was a Holy Night? Twas the night Jesus was born (supposedly, though some say he was actually born in March and a Roman emperor moved his birthday celebrations to December) and therefore not a night to go robbing people.

Plus it was freezing rain last night. How crazy do you have to be to be crawling on an icy / slippery roof during freezing rain? In the dark no less. I nearly slipped and fell.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all! If you don't find any gifts under the tree from your loved ones this year it is because a bastard in a red suit stole them all.



The 12 Days of Xmas Fitness Gifts

Do you know someone who loves exercising often or wants to be exercising more often? Support their interest (and their health) this Xmas Holiday Season with the following list of gift ideas for the fitness freak in your life.

#1. Water Bottles - The better quality the better. Some water bottles break too easily, so finding a really good water bottle is amazing. One of my favourite water bottles is an old fashioned army canteen. It is nothing special to look at (although you can find them now in pink and other colours), but they are amazingly durable and don't break easily.


#2. Bicycle or Bicycle Accessories

If they don't have a bicycle, get them one. Or if they do have a bicycle, get them lots of handy bicycle accessories. eg. Kryptonite bicycle locks are one of the best bicycle locks on the market, so that is certainly a possibility. There are also lights, helmets, seats, bicycle tools, racks, water bottle holders, camel backpacks and more. HOWEVER some people are picky about what bicycle gear they will use so you may need to research what things they want/need first. When in doubt get them a gift card to a bicycle shop.


#3. Yoga Membership Card

Get them a membership card to a local yoga studio that is close to either work or home. Some yoga studios sell cards which are good for 5, 10 or 20 yoga sessions - and have no expiry date. Shop around and find a yoga studio where your loved one can go - and can use whenever they see fit. Do NOT buy them a "one month membership" as most of it will probably go to waste and not be used. Buying a specific number of sessions is more economical.

#4. A really awesome skipping rope...

The trick here is that you should only buy this for a person who is really into cardio exercises, or even better a person who is already into skipping. There are a lot of unusual skipping ropes out there on the market now, which means you can choose from all sorts of materials, colours and functions.

#5. Sports Equipment

If your loved one is into football, get them football equipment. If they are into archery, get them archery equipment. If they are into baseball, get them a baseball bat and balls (baseball players typically only use their favourite glove).

#6. Hockey Equipment

Hockey isn't just a sport in Canada. It is a lifestyle and a national symbol. Even people who aren't hugely into hockey, still enjoy playing road hockey when given the opportunity. This is Canada. We ALL played hockey at some point when we were younger.

#7. Kettlebells

For the weight lifting aficionados. Or get them dumbbells. I love dumbbells. Barbells are also a possibility, but they take up a lot more space and require a bigger investment.

#8. Exercise Clothing

I don't mean Lululemon (in my experience most people who wear Lululemon don't actually exercise, they wear it because they like to pretend that they exercise). No, I mean clothing from a store like SportChek - where they sell exercise clothes that is meant to actually be exercised in and isn't designed to be a fashion statement. If you don't believe me visit the Lululemon at the Eaton's Centre and then visit SportChek and you will see the difference. SportChek sells clothes, running shoes, exercise/sports equipment, etc - for both men and women.

Heck, Golf Town and also Bass Pro has more actual "exercise clothes" than Lululemon does because it is meant to be functional first and isn't about being a fashion statement.

#9. Heart Monitor Watch / Pedometer

Useful for joggers, High Intensity exercises, seeking the Afterburn Effect, Interval Training and more.

#10. Camping / Hiking Gear

You can never have too much camping and hiking equipment. Always useful.

#11. Polarized Sunglasses

If they are going to be exercising outside then a good set of polarized sunglasses are very useful. You can also get them with prescription lenses.

#12. Heated Hoodie

For exercising outdoors during the winter you can't beat having a heated hoodie. Useful for exercising, shoveling snow (that counts as exercise) and many other activities outdoors. Uses a rechargeable battery pack to provide the heat energy.


BONUS GIFT IDEA: Wii Console + Wii Fit and/or Wii Sports

Why? Because if you are exercising and playing a video game, it is still exercising. So Wii Tennis, Wii Golf, Wii Bowling, Wii Boxing, all good fun and good exercise.

Wii Sports for example has been on the market since 2006 and has become very popular with homes for the elderly. I am even thinking of getting a Wii Console / Wii Sports for my mother, because it is something she would actually use.

And who doesn't enjoy Wii Boxing? Watch the video below of ex Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien beating Rick Mercer while playing Wii Boxing.



Zen Relaxation between Exercises

If you are not already familiar with Interval Training it is the concept of alternating exercises in a routine so you are alternating between high intensity exercises and low intensity exercises. HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) for example is one brand of Interval Training.

One way of doing this would be:

Jogging for 5 minutes, walking for 2 minutes, Sprinting for 1 minute;
Jogging for 5 minutes, walking for 2 minutes, Sprinting for 1 minute;
Jogging for 5 minutes, walking for 2 minutes, Sprinting for 1 minute;
Etc.

Do that for 40 minutes and then walk home and you've had a pretty productive workout.

The benefits of such a program means you are building endurance and speed, but you're not overtaxing your heart rate - it also means you can change it up regularly. Interval Training is very flexible in that you can change it and adapt it to whatever you want to do. The only really challenge is measuring the time you use for each exercise - I use music for my changes myself, each song is a different exercise, but there are also smart phone apps with buzzers that you can use that tell you when to switch to a different exercise.

For weightlifters for example they might alternate between heavier weights on barbells, and then switch to light weight dumbells, and then jog or skip rope for 10 minutes before hitting the heavy weights again. On any particular day they might vary how much time they dedicate to each exercise, or they might do the exact same exercise every day just because they love having the same routine and not having to think about it.

Using Zen relaxation techniques in-between different exercises, this is another way you could change the way you exercise.

Say for example a person wanted to create their own approach to Zen Archery training. They might do the following for two hours:

1. Shoot for 10 minutes.
2. Meditate for 10 minutes.
3. Shoot for 10 minutes.
4. Read zen poetry for 10 minutes.
5. Shoot for 10 minutes.
6. Breathing exercises (focus on deep belly breathing, do not use your chest) for 10 minutes.
7. Shoot for 10 minutes.
8. Light yoga for 10 minutes.
9. Shoot for 10 minutes.
10. PMR (progressive muscular relaxation) for 10 minutes.
11. Shoot for 10 minutes.
12. Meditate for 10 minutes.

And then pack up your archery gear and head home feeling relaxed, refreshed and the feeling of having accomplished something today.

I am just using archery as an example here, but the concept could be applied to any sport or activity. By mixing in meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, PMR and even zen poetry you can turn your exercise routine into a more relaxing and thoughtful process - making it the best part of your day.


Visual Standards of Beauty Vs Physical Standards of Health

If she was alive today, Marilyn Monroe would fail the Thigh Gap Test.

Why? Because her thighs would be touching. The standard for passing the Thigh Gap Test is whether you can stand with your feet together, your knees touching and there is a gap between your thighs, where the thighs don't touch at all. That is it.

It is a ridiculous standard of beauty perpetuated in western culture where being super skinny is considered by some to be attractive - a standard which then dictates that countries with the highest starvation rates therefore must have the most attractive people. Except since beauty contestants from Sub-Saharan Africa are not usually winning any international beauty contests, I do think that standard of beauty is really just a MYTH because it has no basis in reality.

Name a historical beauty, a really famous one, like Sophia Loren for example and I will bet they would fail the Thigh Gap Test. Twiggy, the fashion model from the 1960s/70s would pass it, but she was no great beauty.

Notice also that men are not being held to this ridiculous standard of beauty either. Any man who can pass the Thigh Gap Test probably has ridiculously skinny legs.

There are other standards of beauty out there too. Some are just really silly.

For example:

The Finger Test - Touch your index finger in a line from your nose to your chin. Do your lips touch your index finger? If so, you're probably beautiful according to the test. The test is also known as "The Finger Trap" or "The Rickett’s E-line Test".

This particular test is popular in China and other Asian countries. The test has no scientific basis and supposed has to do facial proportions, but if you read actual science into what humans perceive to be beautiful, symmetry is considered to be more important. The Finger Test doesn't even consider Symmetry.

The Anaface Test - Anaface stands for Analyze Face, it is a website where you upload a photo of yourself and then they supposedly check how symmetrical and proportional your face is. However the website has since been debunked for being inaccurate and based on facial proportions that apparently expect the perfect 10 score to look more like an alien.


The Beach Perfect Body Test - This is pretty simple test. Go to the crowded beach wearing a swimsuit and walk around and check how many people you catch staring at you. If you catch more than 5 people staring then you are beautiful. Unlike the Thigh Gap Test, this is one test men can actually pass.

The Golden Ratio - The Golden Ratio is a mathematical ratio considered to be visually pleasing to humans. It is a ratio of 1.6180339~. It is known as phi (Φ) in Geometry, and was used historically in Greek/Egyptian architecture, in India, in Feng Shui, in Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man, etc. In terms of beauty it means that various proportions of the human body should follow a ratio of roughly 1 to 1.6180339~, so if width of your ear is a distance of 1, the height of your ear should be a distance of 1.6180339~. Although honestly, this is really just an excuse for mathematicians to force their ideas unto others.

On the plus side, the Golden Ratio is one test that Marilyn Monroe passes.

But you know what, over 90% of people pass the Golden Ratio Test. So the good news is that according to the Golden Ratio Test we're all pretty much beautiful because it is very easy to get the math to conveniently fit.


So those are some commonly used (and often inaccurate) standards of beauty.

But what are some physical standards of health?

Well there is BMI (Body Mass Index), which compares your height to your weight and then estimates whether you are anorexic, underweight, average, overweight, obese or morbidly obese.

The BMI system works for most people, but ignores the possibility that someone might have a lot of muscle mass. Bodybuilders for example cannot be accurately measured by BMI.

Next there is Body Fat Percentage (BFP), which is more accurate than BMI because it calculates your total weight, the fat content of your body, and how much fat is in your body by percentage. The trick to BFP is that it is tricky to calculate accurately. People can try doing it using measurements, or by using machines, but both just provide an estimate that could be off by as much as 5%.

For women between ages 20 and 40, 19% to 26% body fat is good (26%)  to excellent (19%). For women age 41+, 23% to 30% is considered good (30%) to excellent (23%).

For men between ages 20 and 40, 10% to 20% body fat is generally good (20%) to excellent (10%). For men age 41+, 19% to 23% is considered good (23%) to excellent (19%).
Having more body fat than the amounts listed above is considered unhealthy because the person is overweight, whereas having lesser amounts is likewise considered unhealthy because the person might be at risk for anorexia*.

* However we should note that some athletes fall into the very low body fat percentage and thus having a low BFP does not necessarily mean the person is unhealthy.

Lastly Heart Rate is a great measurement for determining whether a person is unhealthy as it is tied to a strong and healthy heart and a diet that is free from cholesterol. A person's normal heart rate is between 60 and 80 beats per minute when at rest. In contrast a professional athlete will have a heart rate between 40 to 60 beats per minute when at rest. Someone who has over 90 beats per minute while at rest is considered unhealthy because they have high blood pressure, which is often a sign that they have a weaker heart or a cholesterol problem.

Doctors also routinely check Blood Pressure too, which is measured as a comparison between a resting heart rate (diastolic) and a post-intense-exercise heart rate (systolic). Blood Pressure is then measured as the larger systolic number over the smaller diastolic number.

So for example 105 over 70 is considered normal.

80 over 50 is the blood pressure of a professional athlete.

190 over 100, omigod, how have you not died from an heart attack? Please see a doctor right away!

CONCLUSIONS

What I hope people will take away from reading all of this is that hopefully you will focus on the healthy standards over the false standards of beauty. Yes, a person can have a thigh gap, but they might also be anorexic, have dangerously low body fat and have high blood pressure (anorexic people often die from heart attacks due to weak hearts).

Be healthy and happy and your beautiful smile will be all that matters.
Looking to sign up for archery lessons, boxing lessons, swimming lessons, ice skating lessons or personal training sessions? Start by emailing cardiotrek@gmail.com and lets talk fitness!

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